Failure, Anger, Disappointment, and Determination

Today was my day of reckoning.  I haven’t exercised much at all in the last 3 months due to my knee injury.  I realize when you aren’t moving you are sitting.  Sitting leads to boredom and boredom leaves to eating.  After 40 years of bad habits it is very easy to revert back into what you are used to.  My mistake was not relying on my support group for help and finding suitable replacement for all the walking I was doing until I got the knee and feet issues ironed out.  Granted it took me a lot longer to get healthy than I ever imagined and my recovery is filled with setbacks just as I thought I was past the problems.

Make no mistake it is my fault and responsibility.  Today I stepped on the scale for the first time since the beginning of September.  I have gained back over 30 pounds since I hurt my leg in July.  Today I’m dealing with the disappointment with myself and am angry and depressed.  I’m allowing myself today and that is it.  Tomorrow part 2 of the journey starts.  I think I have a better understanding of addiction and how even though you are finding success and building on those feelings it is hard to maintain that behavior.  It takes hard work.  If it was easy everyone would be successful.  I have had short term success in the past.  I want long term success this time.  My life is in the balance.  I’m 50 years old and do not want to revert to what the last few years have brought me.

Now for the good news.  I’m still down 120 pounds from August of 2011.  That is still a big accomplishment.  I walked 2 miles yesterday and have gone through 3 sessions of water aerobics in the last week and my knee is holding up pretty well.  I will not give up on myself.  I have to be an example for my daughter.  She has begun walking and exercising more frequently and is eating much better.  I am very proud of her.  My wife has also gotten back on the wagon and we are all working together to improve our eating and exercise routines.  We have all the tools, we need to use them.  We joined the YMCA and have begun using the facility regularly in the last 2 weeks. We have cut our eating in restaurants way down after it crept back up to several times a week.  Water and Crystal Light Tea are now staples of our diets.  We will succeed.  We can’t afford not to.

All the numbers are back on my retrofit and fitbit pages and staring me straight in the face.  I buried my head in the sand for a few months and it got me what that always has in the past, failure.  I have to be accountable and the right choices have to be made.  I can’t afford to make the wrong ones.

Tomorrow is October 15th.  New weekly, monthly, and yearly goals have been set.  Tony Dungy said a goal without a plan is a wish.  I’m wishing for nothing. I have a goal and I have a plan to get to my goal.  My exercise routine will be regular, my diet will be better.  The weight I gained will be gone by the end of November and I plan on making steady and great progress week by week and month by month.  I’ve done it before and I can do it again.  Day by day.  Thanks for listening.  I will keep you all informed on how I’m doing.  I know I have been silent since I began dealing with the leg issues.  Silence hasn’t worked.  I WILL SUCCEED.



One response to this post.

  1. Posted by June on October 14, 2012 at 10:25 pm

    Proud of you and your family for recycling yourself back to a healthier lifestyle. You have a lot to be proud of and you know what to do to be successful. Thanks for the update.


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